


Drowning

by lulu0917



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Hurt, Pain, Songfic, Vampires, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulu0917/pseuds/lulu0917
Summary: You ever feel like you're drowning in happiness? How about grief? Pain? Tears? It hurts everywhere but you can't really take Tylenol because that's for physical pain. What do you take if your heart hurts? If the pain is so bad you struggle to take a breath? How do you cope when you fall in love with a vampire, only for them to leave you all alone in your misery?
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Bella Swan, Jessica Stanley/Bella Swan, Lauren Mallory/Mike Newton
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Drowning

**I don't own the characters or song. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Isabella:**

"Excuse me, I need air. I'll be right back," I choked out. Jacob looked up, frowning.

"You better not ditch us," Jessica slured, clearly drunk. I had ridden with Jessica and Mike, meeting up with Jacob, the rest of the pack, and a whole bunch of others at Lauren's for a party.

The next song had begun playing, and I immediately felt tears springing to my eyes, but they didn't fall. I rushed out, still hearing the music from inside. As soon as the crisp, night air hit me, I breathed in, my eyes fluttering shut as I lowered myself to the grass.

_I thought that I'd been hurt before_

Damn right, I did.

_But no one's ever left me quite this sore_

Understatement of the century.

_Your words cut deeper than a knife_

Well, there's an analogy that works. Except it doesn't. Have you ever felt like all the air has been sucked out of you, and there's only this little bit left inside? So little that you have to struggle to breathe? That's how I feel everytime I hear his name. Everytime his face comes to mind, searing me. Branding me.

_Now I need someone to breathe me back to life_

Ladies and gents, I, Isabella Marie Swan have come to a conclusion; I'm sick of life. I'm tired of it. I can't keep going. I just can't. I feel dead on the inside. As if someone took out my soul and replaced it with this...this darkness that grows every single day. It possesses me. It owns me.

_Got a feeling that I'm going under_

Ha, funny. I'm already deep down enough to say that the bottom is the top from where I stand.

_But I know that I'll make it out alive_

That's the question I had begun to ask myself after _he_ left. Am I really going to make it out of this? It sure doesn't feel like it.

_If I quit calling you my lover_

_Move on_

That I cannot do. I'll never stop loving him, and I don't know how the hell I'll just walk right past it all.

_You watch me bleed until I can't breathe_

_Shaking, falling onto my knees_

Well, there's something I can relate to. My heart feels like it's bleeding out—literally, I feel drained. I feel so tired, I just want to drop to the ground and not have to worry about picking myself up. I want _him_ to be the one to pull me to my feet.

But, like most people, he grew sick of me. He left.

_And now that I'm without your kisses_

_I'll be needing stitches_

Nope, not true. I'll be needing a lot more than just stitches. Time, for one. Distractions. Him. Not him. Maybe him. No. Yes. Him. He'll heal me.

_Tripping over myself_

_Aching, begging you to come help_

The times I woke up at night screaming for you, Edward Cullen. One day, I'll get past the grief, enter the anger stage, and curse you, wishing you walk through the hell you put me through. But I don't want that for you, at all. Regardless of you leaving me, I don't want you to suffer because of me.

_And now that I'm without your kisses_

_I'll be needing stitches_

_Just like a moth drawn to a flame_

_Oh, you lured me in_

Quit literally, you did. Though in your defense, you tried to keep me away. But my stubborn self just couldn't help it for the life of me.

_I couldn't sense the pain_

Now I feel anything but the freaking pain. And it hurts. So. Damn. Much.

_Your bitter heart cold to the touch_

Just like the rest of you. I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips at the thought.

_Now I'm gonna reap what I sow_

_I'm left seeing red on my own_

Isn't red a color that represents anger? I'm not there yet. So blue—I'm left seeing blue on my own. Or black, because it's so dark and lonely. And I feel dark and lonely.

_Got a feeling that I'm going under_

_But I know that I'll make it out alive_

_If I quit calling you my lover_

_Move on_

_You watch me bleed until I can't breathe_

_Shaking, falling onto my knees_

_And now that I'm without your kisses_

_I'll be needing stitches_

_Tripping over myself_

_Aching, begging you to come help_

Aching, such an interesting word. There are different levels of pain when you ache. There's "paper cut" ache, there's "oops I scraped my knees" ache, there's "I smashed my head against the wall" ache, there's "It hurts so much that I can't feel it" ache, and there's "I just got my heart ripped out by a beautiful cold-skinned blood-sucking vampire" ache. I'd say I fit into the last category, no?

_And now that I'm without your kisses_

_I'll be needing stitches_

As the rest of the song came to an end, I felt someone tap my shoulder, "Bells? You okay?"

I look up into Jacob's eyes and sigh. "When are we ever okay?" Jacob sat down, placing a plastic up on the grass next to him. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"What do you think I'm thinking about?" I raised a brow.

He scowled, " _Him_?"

"Yes, Jake. And "him" has a name. It's Edward, and I'd like you to use it when referring to him."

Jacob's brows disappear beneath his hair, "Okay, no problemo."

Silence settled, and Jacob broke it again. "Can I be honest with you?"

I nodded. He was probably going to give me the talk I heard about a dozen times; _He's not coming back, you need to move on._

"Bella, why are you still sulking over him? Sorry, not him. _Edward."_

I threw him a dark look, "I don't think you get it. I love him."

"But obviously he didn't love you, else he would've stayed!"

I stood up, "You don't get to say that, Jacob! You don't know what his motives were!" It's useless to argue, I know, I know.

"If I don't, then neither do you," Jacob rose to his feet. Sucker had a point.

"Well, know it or not, I love him. And that isn't going to change." I softened my voice.

Jacob sighed, "I know it's not going to. You made that clear a long time ago, trust me."

I turned around.

"Where are you going?" Jacob shouted.

I looked over my shoulder, "To go drown in my grief and love for Edward Cullen."


End file.
